Up to about three days ago my Anxiety was extremely bad! i was waking up in the night not knowing where i am and what i was meant to be doing! it felt like i was on the way out! and i think i've had depression and stress thrown in for good measure as well but amazingly i have found that getting back in the world of Blogging has really helped! i think because it really makes you think and gives you a purpose, i was foolish to think that i could beat anxiety! it is something that you have to control rather than defeat, my mind has took a right battering over the years with one thing and another and i dont think it can be fully recovered!
I'm slowly coming to terms with the loss of my wife, i lost my dad in 1992 and even though that really upset me it was nothing compared to this! basically you live out of each others pockets, you become part of each other, you tell each other your fears and your worries, you share so much together, as a couple we very rarely went out as we didn't really get offered much support in the way of babysitters but we were quite content to stay in as we had each others company, it is a very cruel world! Alice has been very brave throughout it all but i will never know how much of it she understands, so as they say time is a great healer and one must carry on as we have no option! but i will never forget my amazing wife Karen x she was a unique person that always had a smile that i miss so very much!
Wherever you are Karen God Bless you and you will always be in my heart xxxxxxx
And i just want to give a special mention and thanks to Rachel over at http://rachelhughesdiary.blogspot.com/ for being a very loyal friend xxxx
Anxiety Level Low
Thursday 2 April 2009
Back in Blogworld and my loss
Posted by Gary at 01:45
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3 comments:
Hi Gary. This is diver whom you knew as tashi on your old blog.
I'm bewildered at what fate has thrown at you. Deepest sympathies to you and Alice for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you to cope with :(
Too quick with the publish button there ... You mentioned 'it is something that you have to control rather than defeat, my mind has took a right battering over the years with one thing and another and i dont think it can be fully recovered!'
I think that's realistic what you said there. Perhaps if the universe leaves you alone for awhile (no more batterings!) you'll end up regaining some relaxed faith in life? In the meantime I guess it'll be all about 'managing' your anxiety and keeping within your comfort zone as best as you can, rather than expecting some miracle cure. In any case, all the best with it Gary!
Thanks for those words Diver, yeah i don't need any more batterings! i've definitely had more than my fair share! but as you know life does not always work like that!
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